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Preparing for a difficult conversation

JIRIS Take action Tool 1

Preparing for a difficult conversation

Organize your ideas to express yourself clearly, at your own pace, while taking care of yourself.

An important conversation doesn't have to be a confrontation. When the stakes are high, emotions can run high. This tool helps you clarify what you want to say, in what context, and plan what you'll do if the exchange doesn't go as expected. You can fill in only the steps that resonate with you and come back to them later. Your responses aren't saved by default; you can choose to keep them on this device if you wish.

Your answers will remain on your device. They never leave your browser.

🛡️ Before we begin

This tool is suitable for conversations where you feel safe. If you are worried about the other person's reaction, or if the relationship involves fear, threats, or control, you don't have to prepare for this conversation alone: ​​you can first talk to a trusted person or a specialized service. Your safety comes before the conversation itself.

1

My intention

What I hope to gain from this exchange

Before the words, the direction. What would you like to happen, or be understood, at the end of the conversation? A clear intention can help you stay on track with what you want to express.

Example"I would like my neighbor to understand that the late-night noise is preventing me from sleeping, and that we can find a solution together."
2

The facts

What I observed, without trying to explain everything

Starting with what you actually observed can help distinguish what happened from your interpretation of it. However, it's not necessary to be perfectly objective: the important thing is to describe the situation as concretely as possible.

A landmark

If a fact is difficult to isolate, that's okay. Note down what happened as concretely as possible, without trying to explain everything.

Example"In recent weeks, our meetings have been cancelled three times, each time just a few hours beforehand."
3

My feelings

What I experience internally

Naming what you feel can help you better understand what you want to express. A feeling describes what you are experiencing ("disappointed," "worried"), rather than what you think about the other person.

Example“…I feel disappointed and a little worried.”
4

My need

What is important to me

Identifying what matters to you can help you understand what you truly want to express: respect, clarity, security, recognition, fairness, rest, reliability…

Keep in mind

Identifying what matters to you doesn't mean the other person will necessarily have to respond in the way you want. It helps you first understand what you want to express.

Example“…because I need to be able to count on the moments we plan together.”
5

My request

A concrete and achievable action

Offer a suggestion, not a demand: something specific and negotiable. Depending on the relationship, the room for negotiation may be greater or lesser, and it's useful to take that into account.

Before I formulate my request

What do I really know about the other person's situation? What do I assume without being certain?

Example"Would it be possible to notify us at least the day before when an appointment needs to be rescheduled?"
A request leaves room for a response

The other person can accept, propose another solution, ask for more time, or refuse. Preparing a request does not allow you to control the response.

6

The time and the place

A setting that suits me

The timing and location are just as important as the words themselves. You can choose a quiet moment, away from an audience, with plenty of time to spare. A written exchange or another form of communication may also be suitable, depending on the situation.

Example"A call at the end of the day, when I'm not in a hurry, rather than an exchange in front of others."
7

If the exchange does not go as planned

Plan what I will do if the situation becomes difficult

Planning for different possibilities can help you avoid having to make all the decisions in the heat of the moment. You can interrupt the conversation if you need to, but the other person's reaction may also take other forms.

Example
  • But limit: "If the voice gets too loud, I'll stop."
  • My pause phrase: "I need a moment, let's continue tomorrow."
  • If the other person does not wish to speak now: "I can give him some time and decide what to do next later."
  • Afterwards : "I call a friend and I walk for ten minutes."
8

My next step

Decide what to do next, without having to solve everything now

Preparation becomes useful when it can lead to a next step, however small. This step doesn't necessarily have to be the conversation itself. You can choose what seems most appropriate in your situation.

Examples
  • To have a conversation.
  • Send a message or choose another way to communicate.
  • Seek support before taking the next step.
  • Wait for a more appropriate time.
  • Decide not to have this conversation now.

One small step is enough

A prepared conversation does not guarantee the desired outcome. However, it can help you better understand what you want to express, what matters to you, and what you will choose to do depending on the response or the situation.

You don't have to solve everything today. You can simply choose the next step that makes sense for you.

⚠️ On a shared device, avoid enabling this option or clear your replies before leaving.